VOGUE JAPAN
- Mina Oba and Mayumi Numao
- May 29, 2024
- 7 min read
Updated: Apr 7
WEDDING / FEATURE
Meeting each other is a gift. Top self-care techniques and support for couples who can improve each other
This series explores how to cultivate free and rich partnerships through the love stories of various couples who walk through life together. The second installment features former Japanese national para swimmer and model Ichinose Mei, who announced her marriage on December 20, 2023, and former futsal player Shimada Daichi, who serves as Mei's manager. The first part focuses on the positive impact that the high level of self-management skills cultivated as athletes has on partnerships.
By MINA OBA,MAYUMI NUMAO
May 29, 2024
Many people have some worries or anxieties , big or small, about their partnerships . Sometimes we worry about differences in values, get trapped in traditional views of family and stereotypes, or lose sight of what is important because of a small mistake in the buttoning of our clothes, and we lose sight of the true essence of a free and rich partnership. In these circumstances, the life-sized stories of people who are engaged in various types of partnerships should give us hints to relax our shoulders and move forward with our heads held high.
The second installment of the series features two people who have been at the forefront of the sports world for many years. Mei Ichinose , a former member of the Japanese national para swimming team and a model, and Daichi Shimada, a professional futsal player in Japan and the Republic of Malta who currently serves as Mei's manager. The two, who announced their marriage on December 20, 2023, are surely "top class" when it comes to building a partnership that nurtures each other.
VOGUE (hereinafter V ): How did you two meet and what were your first impressions of each other?
Ichinose Mei (hereinafter referred to as Mei): We first met in a community where Japanese vegan athletes from various countries gathered online. In 2020, I was still active, so I had my training base in Australia, and Tai-chan was in Malta, and about 15 people gathered from all over the world every time to talk about various things. Among them, Tai-chan is not the type to talk much, and he doesn't talk about himself unless he is asked to, and he listens to everyone's stories while eating or taking a walk with his room or the beautiful cityscape of Malta as the background. So at first, I thought he was a cold-looking handsome guy, but he dutifully participated in Zoom every time despite the time difference, and my impression of him changed to that of someone who actually observes everyone closely. Sometimes he would send me just one sentence of advice that got to the heart of the matter via LINE in response to the story I shared, and I realized that he is someone who listens to people's stories with both his ears and his heart.
Shimada Daichi (hereafter, Tairoku): I didn't mean to do that, but I think I just missed the opportunity to talk in the space of Zoom (laughs). Mei is someone whose information comes up beforehand when you look her up, so I knew her face and thoughts, and she always led the conversation so that everyone could speak, so I felt that she was someone who could lead people and had a strong core. In that community, we had various discussions, from the harsh situation that each sport is in due to the COVID-19 pandemic to the sexist remarks made by the Olympic Organizing Committee, and Mei spoke her mind, so I respected her, but at the same time, I felt frustrated at her intelligence, which is 5-6 years younger than me. And she's only 23...
V: When was the first time you met in real life?
Mei: I returned to Japan in the summer of 2021, two months apart, and met up with the vegan athlete community in Tokyo for the first time. That was the first time I met Tai-chan in person. We quickly became friends, and I remember thinking that there was someone so interesting to talk to.
Tairoku: Mei is someone who can keep a pleasant conversation going. When I talk about my experiences and feelings, she doesn't just empathize, but also gives me opinions from outside the world I understand. Not only can I talk to her with ease, but she also has a different perspective, and I haven't met many people who can talk to me with a perfect balance of these two, so it was refreshing. That's why we talked forever.
Mei: I've always admired people who pursue what they love in sports. It's interesting to see how different types of athletes are.
V: It was the moment when the two of you got much closer.
Tairoku: After Mei returned to Kyoto and I returned to Tokyo, so we didn't start dating right away, but after about six months we started visiting each other's places.
Mei: Then, in many ways, we decided that we would be better off together, so Tai moved to Kyoto and we started living together.
V: Are there any points in your daily life that help you build good relationships?
Mei: Separating our roles. For example, when it comes to housework, I cook and clean, while Tai does the dishes and laundry. Our strengths are so different it's funny. So even if the dishes pile up, I don't get annoyed because I know that it's not my role and that Tai will do it at her own pace. We don't interfere with each other's roles, but it's something that just happens naturally.
Rather than trying not to step in, it's out of respect for others who can do things that I can't .
Even in our work, we have similar goals and values, but we each have different strengths and ways of working to achieve them. For example, I'm good at verbalizing my emotions and talking to get people to imagine things, while Tai-chan is good at theoretical explanations and work coordination. I think even the exchange of emails is amazing.
Tairoku: If I listen to her talk every time, I might be able to speak in front of people like Mei at lectures (laughs). But the more I watch Mei speak, the more I feel I can't do it. I feel that her way of speaking, how it resonates, and how it is received are completely different.
V: Living and working together, it seems like there would be some arguments...
Mei: We really don't have any fights. I think the reason for this is that we both have high self-management abilities. Even before we started dating, we had a common understanding that we wanted to build an independent partnership, and that we wanted to build a partnership where each person could make themselves 100, rather than bringing together the strengths of the other person to make them 100. Rather than relying on the other person to make them happy, we both wanted to be with someone who could aim for self-realization and make themselves happy. As athletes, we have had a lot of self-control, so when we are irritated, instead of just taking it out on the other person, we become aware of the fact that we are irritated before we get into a fight, analyze the reason, and figure out what we need to do to deal with it and resolve it within ourselves. In my case, when I feel vaguely confused, I journal or do yoga . Because we have both trained our ability to understand ourselves, there is no battle here.
Tairoku: It may be because we had similar mindsets as athletes. We are self-aware and naturally think about the sleep , food, and amount of exercise our bodies need, and we know what we need now and what we should do for ourselves. We have similar ways of dealing with our minds and bodies, such as getting sunlight, taking walks, and taking precautions to avoid pain, and we are still able to do these things individually.
V: But what do you do when you feel so depressed you can't control yourself?
Mei: The two of us talk a lot. We each have our own methods of self-care, but when those don't work, we work together to find the cause and pool our solutions.
Sometimes the reason why we feel down about work is out of our control. When that happens, we deal with it together and discuss what we can do to prevent it in the future. After all, if we don't analyze it, we can't prevent it, so it's important to solve everything.
V: Have you ever had a situation where you didn’t agree on anything at all?
When I wake up in the morning, the place I want to go to that day is often synchronized with mine. I'm grateful to God for allowing me to meet someone who understands me so well. I think it's a gift.
V: They were meant to meet each other. The message they sent when they announced their marriage was also wonderful. For example, they mentioned marriage equality , saying, "At this time when I am getting married, I am thinking of my friends who do not have the choice to get married/register their marriage ," which I think is very much like them.
Mei: My idea of a "disability" is not about missing a body part or having a different function than others, but about the difficulties in life that arise from differences with others, the limitations created by society. So, the fact that same-sex couples can get married in other countries but not in Japan is one of the barriers created by society, I think. That's why I've been raising my voice saying, "Since society creates barriers, society can eliminate them," and marriage equality fits perfectly into that way of thinking, so I can't think of it as something that doesn't concern me. The inability to get married in Japan is an obstacle created by Japanese rules, and it's also an obstacle that can be eliminated if the rules and ways of thinking change.
Tairoku: I agree 100% with that idea. For example, foreigners cannot get visas for same-sex couples. We have been through the process of getting permission to live abroad and understand how difficult it is, so we feel it is unfair that we cannot receive the same system that is available to men and women.
Mei: We understand that being able to make the choices we do is a privilege, and that's why we can't just ignore it.
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